Holidays not a happy time for some people

Joy to the world! 'Tis the season to be jolly! Festive music fills the air; holiday cheer abounds. Everyone is happy at holiday time - right? Wrong. Truth be told, many people feel lonely, sad, anxious and depressed, at this time of year. Just because its holiday time doesn't just make all of our worries and troubles go away.

For many people, the holidays are a traditional time of happiness and festivity. However, for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, the holidays are a time of mixed emotions. One in five Americans has some form of mental illness in any given six months. That means between 30 million and 45 million people, possibly your friends, family members and co-workers, suffer from symptoms that cause distress in their lives, but that can be effectively treated.

Just the pressure to feel merry many times can be a downer! Some of us go through the following:

Remembrances of holidays past: Consciously or unconsciously, you have a mental record of previous holidays. Your mood may be contaminated by the specter of sad holidays past.

Reminders of loved ones lost: Holidays are a time for reflection. All too often your thoughts turn to beloved family members and friends who have passed away. That sense of loss can make you feel you will spoil even the happiest of celebrations if celebrated with others.

Loneliness: Holidays can be dreadfully lonely if you don't have a significant other. Separation from family members (emotional or geographic) can be particularly painful at this time of year.

Financial hardship: One of the joys of the holiday season is to give to others. If you're financial resources are severely limited at this time of year you are likely to feel that you cannot share in the gift giving at the office, holiday parties and home.

So, what do we do about it and where can we turn?

We want you to know you are not alone and that there are many places to turn, for that extra help you may need. A team of mental health professionals has been getting together for the last few months focusing on how it might be best to help those who just might need an extra boost to get through the holidays.

This group consists of Douglas Mental Health, Suicide Prevention of Douglas County, Carson Valley Medical Center, Carson Tahoe Rural Medical Center, Carson Tahoe Behavioral Health Services, Senior Pathways, East Fork Fire/Terry Taylor, Partnership of Community Resources and many other individuals who are working with families in our community.

This group has made it their mission is to be committed to improving the health and quality of life of county residents. Please do not hesitate to give any of these agencies a call if you feel or you know someone else feels they may need an appointment.

If you or a loved one is in crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, a free 24-hour hotline.

Are you also aware that many of these agencies offer support groups? A support group is another great way to share feelings and struggles you may be experiencing with others who can relate with exactly the same issues. It's OK to feel what you feel: If you don't feel as happy as you think you should, don't fight it. Forcing feelings that aren't there will only make matters worse, and there really aren't any "shoulds" about it.

Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for several weeks, if may be that extra attention needs to be given to you.

Be aware of what triggers your emotions. Do your best to accept that your emotions will vary during the holidays. Make time to deal with your emotions. Have a good cry, punch some pillows and shout out loud about how angry you are. But then, as best you can, let it go.

You may want to plan ahead. Schedule some fun events for January to give you something to look forward to.

No one wants to be alone during the holidays. And although you may not be in a position to do anything about being with the one you would rather be with, you can do something to help yourself focus on making yourself "merry" during the holidays. A holiday alone does not have to be the end of the world.

Seasonal hype leads us to believe that the only way to achieve holiday happiness is by spending time with family and loved ones. There's so much hype for this wonderful time of togetherness that it accentuates the feeling of being alone and disconnected.

Look around your community for events celebrating the holiday - church services, community get-togethers, civic events, 12-step groups, single parent gatherings. Don't be afraid to go alone.

You may find your mood improves when you're in the company of special friends and favorite relatives - especially those who accept your full range of feelings and don't put pressure on you to be other than who you are.

The real secret of the holidays and Christmas is that the love and joy of the season is about the love and joy we can choose to share with one another. You and the love you have to give are what make this world special.

Debbie Posnien is executive director of the Suicide Prevention Network of Douglas County.