Lawson: Alert the media, Favre retires ... again

There is almost no mode of transportation not being used to right now to tell the world that Brett Favre has retired - again.

As we speak, carrier pigeons are flying with notes strapped to their legs, the Pony Express has been recommissioned to spread the word in the most remote territories, every tweeter is summarizing the retirement into 140 words, CNN is doing a reflection on his life and the city of Hattiesburg, Miss., has sold out all available rooms while sports writers from every medium flock there to get the final story on the living legend.

Yes, the story of Favre's retirement will sure to be overblown just as his entire 'I'm retiring, I'm not retiring' debacle has been. But what could be a more appropriate way to end this nonsense once and - we hope- for all?

Favre has drawn more attention since announcing his first retirement in March 2008 than he did in his entire 17 career prior to that point. I'm still awaiting word that Michael Jordan was his mentor during the last 16 months, showing him exactly how to draw media hype by announcing a retirement without ever having plans to follow through on it.

While the national Favre watch may be off now, we could see sightings of him at Pop Warner games, high school fields or even him wearing Wranglers in a pick-up football game.

Remember when Jordan was nearing a comeback and there were these odd commercials that had him appearing in a game with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar style glasses and an afro? That's going to be Favre. One day fans will see someone who looks just like him with his throwing arm full of tattoos. Another day, he'll be the last kid selected for a pick-up game with his gut hanging out and his shoelaces untied and throw the ball 70 yards, hustling people like in "White Men Can't Jump."

Favre will be this generation's Elvis. Impersonators will be everywhere and there will be wild stories in the National Enquirer about Batgirl having his children.

He will reinvent himself in the form of Curt Schilling and start a blog to rag on every bad decision the Packers make and why no one will ever be greater than him.

If you thought the newscycle leading up to the alleged retirement was out of control, wait until Favre no longer has to worry about making his 1 p.m.

practice time with a bunch of Mississippi high schoolers.

The Favre to the Vikings watch may be over, but it's now time to begin the Favre to the UFL watch. The fledgling league has likely already made contact and could have plans to hype a matchup of Favre vs. Vick.

Begin the watch now, oh, and reset all the carrier pigeons for the next wrinkle in this ongoing saga.