Don't give up if you are suicidal. If you get a "jerk" on a suicide hotline, please please please call back and speak with someone else.
Perhaps the first person has had a really bad day ... or bad news ... or is just a jerk.
They will not send "help" unless your self inflicted injury/death is imminent. They are trying to save your life!
My suicide attempt was very different from yours ... I am old and had no idea I was even depressed! What a shock to my little naive, immature self to stop and ask "what the heck am I doing?"
I have been in therapy for a year now and am so much better. Please, please talk to someone ... anyone. And if they ignore/belittle/don't believe you, move to someone who does care.
Walk into any church and cry, scream, plead for help. No matter which church, no matter the time of day or night ... even Christ on the Cross will comfort you.
Don't give up. Suicide is like not reading the end of a book.
Suicide is like not seeing yourself, your children, your nieces and nephews, or your grandchildren grow into "people" to love. Sad, isn't it?
When I look back at the last year, I can't imagine having missed the beautiful music I've listened to, the beautiful art I've seen, the trees changing from green to brilliant red overnight, the fawns growing into bucks and does, the baby finches taking flying lessons, the bitty bunnies growing so big they could outrun my dogs ... smelling the hay ripen and the overpowering smell when it was cut ... hearing the horses whinny, the cows low, the coyotes howling ... even smelling the skunks when they are frightened.
Please. Seek help ... doctors, ministers, school counselors or teachers or hall monitors! Ask for help! Someone will listen.
You are loved.