Legacy of love carries family through loss

Mary Biaggini keeps a picture on her cell phone of a quotation she says embodies the spirit of her husband Mike:

"To the world you may be just one person, but to that one person you may have been the world."

She's referred to it often since her 55-year-old husband died Feb. 17 after an 81⁄2 year battle with colon cancer.

That philosophy helps explain the outpouring of support the family has received since the Douglas County sheriff's captain was diagnosed with cancer in 2001.

Mike Biaggini's passion for helping others may explain why up to 1,000 people are expected to attend his memorial at 11 a.m. Saturday at St. Gall Pastoral Center.

"My husband touched so many people," she said. "I knew that private side to him when he came home and the doors were closed on the day, but he touched so many people when he was out there.

"His interactions with people in their time of need, each private interaction on their sad day, his compassion for them, his gentleness. When you talked with Mike, you were that only person he focused on."

Last week, Mary Biaggini, surrounded by her family, sat down to tell the story of a remarkable relationship that began in 1995 when she was a young single mother with a 5-year-old son, Nick.

Their first real date was Hot August Nights in 1995. From then on, Mike and Mary were inseparable.

"Hot August Nights became a ritual for us," she said. "In 1996, we went to Hot August Nights and he proposed to me in front of my whole family."

They were married in 1997.

"He was always really my balance. He was that level-headed part that I needed. He brought real wholeness to my life and he took my son under his wing. He loved everything about me."

The fear and the panic they faced with Mike's diagnosis in 2001 was short-lived, overshadowed by the joy in the birth of their son Michael, now 8.

Determined to fight the cancer, the Biagginis made many trips to the California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco for treatment. The community rallied around the family with fundraisers to help meet the cost of rising medical bills.

Mike became an advocate for cancer patients, supporting the annual Relay for Life and sharing his own story with the disease.

"He tried to reach out and help others," Mary said. "His message, even at the end, was always the same: 'Don't give up. You can do this.'"

She said they tried to give back the support they received in the community.

"People held our hands and we wanted to pay that back," she said.

Last October the Biagginis were told there was nothing more traditional medicine could do. A planned trip to the Bahamas for alternative treatment was canceled after Mike became too ill.

He made the decision to spend what time he had "building memories" with his family. That included a trip to Disneyland before Christmas and a retirement party Jan. 30 where 300 friends and co-workers celebrated his 28-year career in law enforcement.

"I'm thankful and extremely grateful for everything everybody's done," Mary said.

"People have been respectful in a sense, calling, with prayers, whatever we need. They always ask. We don't need too much, but so many people don't know how much we lean on them," she said.

Mary's uncle, John Bushman, said the already-strong family became closer through Mike's illness.

"He left a void in our family. He was a remarkable individual and we were lucky to have him in our lives and are all the better for him having been here. As a family, we are going to make sure that Michael and Nick grow up to be the kind of young men Mike expected them to become," Bushman said.

Nick is a U.S. Navy corpsman at Camp Pendleton.

"He tells me he is who he is because of Mike," Mary said.

Despite her sorrow, Mary said she believes the experience changed their lives for the better.

"God gave us a really great gift to say things to each other we always wanted to say. I got to witness some amazing things in the course of this: A man's strength, a family's love, the community helping each other."

Mary took time off from her job in the Douglas County court clerk's office to spend the last weeks of Mike's life with him at home.

"I told him how privileged I was to know him, and witness his strength. I told him I was honored to hold his hand as we walked through this. I told him how much he gave to my life," she said. "He showed me how to go with grace."

In their final moments, Mary said she assured Mike that she and Michael would be OK.

"It was very beautiful. I held him as we talked. I stroked his face, and I told him, 'I will go with you as far as I can.' I walked him to the gates of heaven," she said.