Domestic violence in our neighborhoods - what is it, and how do we recognize it?

Have you been reading the statistics in The Record-Courier lately on the subject of domestic violence? If not, you may be interested in doing so. Domestic violence is not something new to our area or to men, women and children across the country; it has been taking place for centuries.

Who batters whom? Wife, husband and child abusers come in all sizes, shapes, colors, religions and from both sides of the track. They may be your next door neighbors, our teachers, clergy, law enforcement officers, politicians, maintenance people, truckers, businessmen, or the most intelligent celebrated and respected people of our country.

Society turns its back on the possibility that violence has become a way of life for some families. Parents do beat, torture, starve and kill their children; spouses do beat, torture, isolate, violate and kill their spouses. In 53 percent of murder cases in the United States, the victim was related to the assailant. In a California study, one-third of female murder victims were killed by the husband; further, one-fourth of these victims were pregnant at the time of the murder.

How are people battered? There are four categories of abuse: emotional, psychological, sexual and physical. All four types of abuse make scars in the very soul of the victim and of children watching which often show up many years later. Generally when people think of domestic abuse, the mental images that come to mind is that of physical abuse; but think for a minute about how even a look can be intimidating and under the right circumstances becomes a serious concern for our safety and even our life.

Why do people batter other people? One-fifth of all adult American males have either punched or beaten another person, or have been beaten. Physical force is glorified in books, magazines, newspapers, television, movies and art forms, and not just in America, but throughout the world. Every batterer involved in domestic violence has issues with control and people batterers are those who feel they are less than they should be; when an individual believes this about themselves the one way to step up and out of that feeling is to become controlling of another; this applies to female as well as male batterers.

n Children who witness violence in their homes are at higher risk for drug and alcohol abuse, delinquency, depression and suicide.

n Children growing up in violent homes are much more likely (as much as 74 percent) to commit violent criminal activities, than other children.

n Boys who witness violence in their homes tend to act out and are 10 times more likely to become abusive to their partners.

n Girls who witness violence in their homes tend to turn inward; feel depressed and often times become battered women themselves.

Victims have the choice to leave a relationship where they are experiencing domestic violence, or they may choose to remain in that relationship. Batterers have the choice of changing their controlling behavior. We all have a choice and until someone makes a decision, nothing changes.

What can a person do? First, be aware of what domestic violence is. Second, know that there is help for you if you choose to change or leave. Third, talk to someone about what is going on. You may think you are crazy, but you are not.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Please join with the Purple Ribbon Coalition and Family Support Council in commemorating victims of domestic violence who have lost their lives and those victims who are still suffering at the Candlelight Vigil, 6 p.m. Monday at Lampe Park pavilion on Waterloo Lane in Gardnerville.

A short program will be presented at Lampe Park, followed by a procession to the Family Support Council offices. The special guest speaker will be governor of Soroptomists International Poco Davis. Refreshments will be served. For more information, call the Family Support Council at 782-8692.

n Orita Keebaugh is a domestic violence/sexual assault advocate for the Family Support Council of Douglas County.