Is home really sweet?
Home. What does home mean to you? What does home feel like when you’re there? Home is more than a place. It’s really a state of being. After a long day we look forward to going home and getting comfortable. It’s a refuge from the outside world, where we can be ourselves and relax. Or is it?
Think of our first impressions of home. We entered into this world completely dependent on the environment of our primary care givers. Whatever the circumstances, this molded our schema of home. For some, home was a place for growth and exploration of self with support from the roots of family. For others, home may have been a struggle to express oneself though the difficulty and group think from a dysfunctional system. Still others dealt with issues of safety and survival at the hands of abuse.
The point is, home was a state of being we entered into and without introspection we recreate what we already know. It may surprise you to take some time and look deeply into the patterns you grew up in and then compare them to your relationships in the present. Life is full of patterns. Unless there is awareness and mindful change we keep running the same programs over and over with different faces. We meet the same type of person. We run through the same feelings and painful endings. We hit the same wall and wonder why.
Getting honest and asking yourself who does this remind me of, when have I felt this way before and why does this keep happening, is a great start. If you have a desire to learn more about yourself, you will. Asking where and when a pattern started is very powerful. Recognizing your patterns is to know yourself intimately. Home is how you treat yourself. When you cultivate this sacred relationship, home is wherever you are.
Bridgette DeBoer M.A., is a licensed alcohol and drug counselor, marriage and family therapist. She can be reached at 450-6632.