On over-the-hill birthdays and scary drivers

Happy forever young birthday to our famous motorcycle racing friend Warren Ryan, our dear Fish Springs nurse friend, Gail McCormick, and to my forever loving husband Norbert. All three of these special people share the same birthday - April 4. Warren holds a world speed racing record at Bonneville, Gail has retired after more than 20 years as the school nurse at Gardnerville Elementary School and Norbert has survived 47 glorious years living with me.

He doesn't know it, but when I trimmed some hair off the back of his neck this week I saved it in an envelope. Now someday our great-grandchildren will get to see their grandpa's beautiful silver hair on his 68th birthday. I did the same thing with my father's white hair on his 82nd birthday. Such wonderful memories.

Scary drivers

Over these past 27 years that I've lived in Carson Valley I've seen a lot of really scary drivers on the road. You know the kind, like Bumper Bill, the guy who drives two inches off your rear bumper at 60 mph. Then if you have to hit your brakes he might leave his vehicle through the windshield and enter yours via your rear window. You can recognize Bumper Bill in the rearview mirror by the throbbing veins on the sides of his temple and his bulging eyeballs. He has to be in Reno by 6 p.m. to watch "SpongeBob" and it's 5:50 p.m. already.

Now if you're in the mood for some risky fun, you could speed up suddenly for about 100 yards then slam on your brakes. If you look in the mirror quickly enough, you'll see Bill's facial features smooched up against the windshield. But you don't want to do that.

Then there's the guy who drives the jacked-up 4x4 pickup with the full rack of skis on top. He doesn't mean to be a discourteous driver, he just can't see anything at road level without binoculars and occasionally his oxygen mask fogs up. This character loves to speed, especially after he downs a six-pack. Stay away from him.

Every once in awhile I have the satisfaction of seeing a highway patrol officer ticket these characters. That's when I cheer as I pass by. Forgive my vindictiveness but I'm still a little rattled when I see such drivers on our roads.

Actual ad in a Reno newspaper

Wanted: A good woman who can clean and cook fish, dig worms, sew, owns a good fishing boat and motor. Please enclose photo of boat and motor to: Fisherman.

P.S.

I just learned that my wonderful editor, Sharlene Irete, also has the same birth date, April 4. Hope it was a good one, Sharlene.

-- Linda Monohan may be reached at 782-5802.