Quilt offers glimpse of the life suicide leaves behind

Known to be camera-shy, 15-year-old Austin Kirby offers a sweet smile captured forever in a quilt square lovingly made by his aunt, Kris Hall.

Eric Steven Marchant, 13, is remembered in a square contributed by his parents, Cindy and Larry Marchant who now live in Washington.

Bob Kellogg, 53, has three squares crafted by friend Anne Armijo on behalf of herself and her friends.

And Vincent Arness, 23, smiles in pictures as a young man and a little boy stuffed in a kitchen drawer, leaving no question why his nickname is "Chunka Bear." One square was made by his mother, Mickey Garcia, and the second by his 14-year-old sister Lindsay, who offered a tribute to a big brother "who always understood me."

The squares are included in the Douglas County "Faces of Suicide" quilt, part of a statewide project which personalizes for friends, loved ones and the strangers who view it, the terrible cost of suicide.

Members of the Survivors of Suicide group took time from their meeting Thursday to talk about how they created the squares.

Austin Kirby died Oct. 26, 2005, and Hall spoke haltingly about how challenging it was to memorialize her nephew.

"I wasn't sure what to do that would do Austin justice," she said. "He was a pretty spectacular young man. Then, it occurred to me that none of us would be here if we didn't love all the people in this quilt. They were all pretty spectacular."

Hall decided to keep it simple, "to do it the way I know he would have liked it."

She picked pink, which was one of Austin's favorite colors, and added a few flourishes in black and white and the dates of his brief life.

"I hope it brings awareness and support to all the people out there contemplating suicide or who are survivors," she said. "I hope it leads to salvation and some way to put the grief and torment into perspective."

The squares Armijo contributed in memory of Bob Kellogg, 53, took on added meaning when she lost her husband, Ernie Armijo, on July 4 from injures he suffered in a motorcycle accident a month earlier.

"Nothing about Ernie's death was planned in any way," she said. "It's been a horrendous life experience, but it could have been a lot worse. He had his affairs in order and Ernie's spirit made the transition as smooth as possible."

She talked about Kellogg's violent death July 31, 2006, in an explosion at his home in the Gardnerville Ranchos.

"He'd been remodeling the house. He was a master carpenter and he had been doing a beautiful job," Armijo said. "One night, he just lost it. He took a sledgehammer to everything. Then he poured gasoline all around, and lit it on fire with him inside."

Armijo started attending the suicide survivors support group three weeks after Kellogg's death.

"It's a great support to be with people in the same boat as you," she said. "We share the feelings of loss, of asking 'why?' and 'If only we'd known.'"

That support extended Thursday in her new grief as she shared the details of her husband's death.

She distributed what she called "Ernie's Swift Kick in the Ass Message" which emphasized the importance of doing what you can to be prepared.

Tip No. 2 reads, "Always be aware of what's around you. Be prepared for what's ahead. Your plans can change in an instant."

Garcia said creating her son Vincent's quilt square brought her joy.

"It made me really happy to do that," she said.

Her son died almost a year ago, and she spoke about how she handles special days like his birthday and holidays.

"The 18th of every month has been really hard," she said, noting the date of his death, Sept. 18, 2006.

"But yesterday (July 18), it wasn't so bad," she said.

Garcia said she learned about the survivors' group through her daughter's school counselor and started coming right away.

"I like coming," she said. "I feel I could be real helpful to other people who are just passing through early stages like I was."

Armijo said she felt drawn to the group after Kellogg died.

"The first time, friends came with me, but now I come on my own," she said.

Even though they lived in separate towns, Garcia said she spoke to her son last thing every night and first thing in the morning.

"He told me everything, he'd even tell on himself," she said, laughing.

She has three other children ages 14-26.

"They always said I favored 'Chunka,' but maybe because it's because God knew he wasn't going to be here that long," she said.

Jodi Wass, who facilitates the twice-monthly support group, said she was grateful to the eight people who contributed quilt blocks in honor of their loved ones.

"When you see a face, it makes it much more personal," she said.

She said the quilt will be on display at the Partnership of Community Resources office in Gardnerville where the survivors' group meets the first and third Thursdays of each month.

She also plans to use the quilt in presentations about suicide prevention she makes at area schools and community groups.

Materials for the quilt were donated by Gary and Janet Pierce, owners of the Quilt House in Gardnerville. Susan VanAlyne created the center square and Sue Muller sewed the quilt together.

The purple and teal border represents survivor colors, Wass said.

The group was started a few years ago by former Gardnerville resident Cindy Marchant, whose son Eric died in 1998 at age 13. The Marchants live in Washington, but sent a square to honor their son.

"I am so grateful for everybody's energy that went into this," Wass said.

Wass has been facilitating the group for three years and can recall only one Thursday in all those months when no one showed up for a meeting.

She said the group is the only one of its kind outside Washoe County and participants are welcome from any community. Some members have come from Lake Tahoe.

"Those who have been coming a long time have developed a bond that goes beyond supporting each other," Wass said. "We celebrate friendships and cheer when somebody has a baby or gets married again. It proves that you can be happy again."

-- The Nevada Coalition for Suicide Prevention is sponsoring a community walk Sept. 15 at locations around the state including Heritage Park in Gardnerville. Walkers may register at 8 a.m. for the 3-mile walk which is to begin at 8:30 a.m. Registration is $20 which includes a T-shirt, but no walkers will be turned away. Contributions will be used for suicide prevention and to support Survivors of Suicide. Information, 782-8611.