There are a lot of things to like about Christmas - the smile on my daughter's face when she opens a present, cooking a feast for a house full of family, the recoil of a .357 aimed at the radio in my car that will play nothing but Christmas music.
There's also a lot of things to hate about Christmas. Music comes to mind. In particular, the plethora of radio stations that start playing nonstop Christmas tunes two months before Santa hops in his sleigh.
I like Christmas music. I also like Jimmy Buffet. But if I played his music for 60 straight days, I'd never go near another margarita or cheeseburger. That would be depressing enough to make me want to listen to Christmas music again.
This whole fad was started a few years ago when one radio station decided to play nothing but Christmas music for the month preceding the holiday. It was a ratings success, so now everyone has jumped on the bandwagon.
This must be stopped, for sanity's sake. Isn't there a law that limits to Christmas music to one station per market? Or, at least make it illegal to start playing it before Thanksgiving. Otherwise, they'll keep moving the date back until they start the all-Christmas playlist on Labor Day.
Which is when it seems the Christmas shopping season is beginning these days. Of course, this offers no relief for the crowds of pushy people flocking to area stores. So, until I can figure out what to get all of the people on my list, I have to put up with the pushing and shoving, all the while being serenaded by, yes, more Christmas music.
Makes me want to wave that .357 at more than just my car radio.
Actually, if people knew the person next to them was packing heat, they might be a little less likely to snatch that last Elmo toy out of your hands.
In fact, I bet if everyone were armed, people would be a lot less rude to each other. Would you cut off the old lady behind you if you knew she was a pistol-packing grandma with an itchy trigger finger?
Perhaps I've been too hard on the folks over at the National Rifle Association for all these years. I've always been a gun owner, but didn't quite get why I should send them money to help legalize stuff like Teflon bullets and assault weapons.
But now, maybe we can find some common ground. Maybe giving everyone a gun will help create a kinder, gentler America, bringing the Cold War concept of mutually assured destruction (M.A.D.) to a parking lot near you.
It could work, right?
It it doesn't, at least the gunfire will drown out all that Christmas music.
n Kirk Caraway is Internet Editor for the Nevada Appeal. Contact him at kcaraway@nevada appeal.com or 881-1273.