Are you ready?
To forgive another for wrongdoing is less about the other person and more about you. Forgiveness changes the energetic cord you have with the individual. you no longer live with resentment and anger. This person may not even know you carry anger for them. They may even be deceased.
All of us can say we have been hurt by another. We have been rejected, told mistruths or wronged in some way. Some of us have been abused and mistreated by those close to us, people responsible for our safety. These are some of the most painful betrayals. Living with anger toward another is a heavy burden. They are untouched by your daily resentment, while you contain this poison in your body and mind. The truth could be this person does not deserve to be forgiven because he or she continues with the very behaviors that hurt you.
The beauty of forgiveness is that it is an inside job. It does not matter if the person in question deserves to be forgiven or not. It’s more about carrying this poison in your heart and deciding you no longer want this in your life. You forgive others for yourself. You forgive them to let go and move on from the hurt. To allow your heart to once again be free from the tethers of imprisonment is a loving gesture for your own peace and contentment. Forgiveness allows you to learn from the past and be wiser for your future, knowing who to trust and who to keep a distance from. When you forgive you do not forget. You simply allow the toxic energy of what happened to be where it originated, in the past.
It takes time to move through healing to get to the place where forgiveness feels right. It’s different for everyone. There is no science to this process. It’s intuitive. Check in with yourself from time to time and pose the question. Am I ready to forgive?
Bridgette DeBoer M.A., is a licensed alcohol and drug counselor, marriage and family therapist. She can be reached at 450-6632.